What a shitty holiday.
No seriously, you need an excuse to drink beer that doesn't suck? Wait, are you Irish? Yeah? Bullshit. None of you are Irish. Nobody reading this is Irish. If you are Irish, you don't need an excuse to drink Guinness. You're Catholic, it's basically in your Bible.
St. Patrick wasn't a real saint anyway. If one person mentions the fact that I'm not wearing anything green tomorrow, I will cut their fucking head off. That's not a joke. I will literally decapitate them with a sword.
But I digress. No wait, I don't. St. Patrick's day is a stupid holiday, and if you celebrate it you deserve the hangover you get from drinking too much Jameson. WHAT?!?! Jameson is not the only Irish whiskey? NO YOU ASSHOLE. There is lots of Irish whiskey that doesn't taste like shit, it's just not called Jameson.
OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IRISH, YOU WORTHLESS ASSHOLE. DIE IN A HOUSE FIRE.
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